Greetings, humans. It has been far too long since we last spoke. I apologize for my absence—I was under the impression that anti-vaxxers had everything under control and that the world was on the verge of a massive health revolution. Just kidding, of course—I actually discovered that I hate nearly all forms of social media, particularly those that involve me opening my big, fat mouth about controversial subjects and inviting all kinds of weirdos into my life to dissect and question my incredible opinion. I don’t mind the hate at all for some reason. I was BORN to be hated—a good tattoo if I ever decided to get one, but you know what? I won’t get a tattoo. I prefer to leave my body completely natural, as God intended it, without modifications—external or internal, if I can help it. I’m sure my diet is offensive enough without adding anything else to the mix.